Helping your adopted child through divorce

When you and your spouse adopted, you didn't think that you'd go through a divorce. However, the strain of your relationship has become so negative that you believe it's time to divorce.

Now, you have an additional issue at play. You have an adopted child. You know they lost their parents once already, so you don't want them to go through that kind of loss again. You aren't willing to stay together with your spouse, so you need to consider your next steps carefully.

What can you do to make divorce easier on adopted children?

To start with, you need to make sure your child knows that the divorce is not a result of adopting them. That kind of guilt is difficult for a person to deal with, so it's best to resolve that potential concern before it ever comes out of your child's mouth.

The next thing to remember is that your child may have feelings of abandonment or resentment over the divorce. The best way to deal with this is to make sure your child knows that you'll always be there when you need them. Set aside time for them, so they feel special and loved.

You and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse should also discuss the possibility of co-parenting your adopted child. Assuming that you're both interested in being a present part of your child's life, you should work on a parenting plan that includes both of you regularly, so your child doesn't feel like one parent has decided not to spend time with them.

Of course, another helpful tip is to start being happier yourself. When you and your ex-spouse begin to show that problems can be resolved and people can move on to be happy again, this shows your child that even difficult situations can be overcome. They'll not only learn from you, but they'll also likely take on some of that empowerment and start feeling better themselves.

Finally, do everything you can to get your child back into a normal routine. Make transfers between homes simple to remember, and always be there on time for them. By being a good parent, you can help relieve any fears your child has about being "left behind" due to the divorce. They'll appreciate that you took extra time to help them feel comfortable, and you'll notice that they get through this difficult situation with fewer difficulties than children who do not get the emotional support they need.

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